For one week only, breaking news from my local village.
The Chelsea flower show is a tour de force of contemporary and classical garden design, but it is nothing compared to my elderly neighbour’s attempts to master the art of topiary.
It’s an expensive hobby. While you’re practicing you can actually run out of bushes. My neighbour solved this problem by sneaking into my back garden and re-designing my laurel bush into what looks like a seal chasing a Russian submarine.
As we all know it is standard social etiquette to ask your neighbour’s permission before you start recreating underwater battle scenes in their laurel bushes.
First thing Monday morning I will be placing a call to the ‘Nuisance Neighbour’ department of the local council and asking to be put through to whoever deals with ‘unauthorised topiary’.
My wife has just pointed out that many local services are underfunded, and therefore it is unlikely that the council have a dedicated team that deals solely with unsolicited bush art. Fair point.