Teens getting shitty part-time jobs. Tips from the frontline.

It’s not easy. Shitty part-time jobs are rare. Luckily, my teen has landed on his feet. He works for an eccentric millionaire fluffing cushions in his speedos, but some aren’t so lucky.

Here’s what I’m hearing on the ground.

Basic minimum wage for a 16 year old is £4.35 per hour. A haircut at Mr Fadez is £9.50. Another £2 if you want it doing properly. So, to put that in context, to pay for one haircut, teens have to fluff cushions for three hours.

Please note. I am only using ‘cushion fluffing’ as a measurement of hourly work because it’s what my son pretends to do. 

Plus, in protest to all the shenanigans in Westminster over Brexit and Europe, I am now refusing to use Europe’s metric measurement system. From now on, I’m measuring everything in ‘Goldblums’. One unit is equivalent to the height of one Jeff Goldblum. My wife has just pointed out that it may be hard getting the building industry to use Jeff Goldblum as a unit of measurement. And that it might be better to use Dean Gaffney. Fair point.

How far is Leeds from Manchester? Approximately 200 Goldblums or 3000 Gaffneys.

Back in the eighties it was easy to get a shitty job in a supermarket. In my interview the manager sat me down and said, “I want hard workers. I just want you to come in here and sweat your bollocks off for twelve hours a week. Can you do that?” Of course, employment rules have changed since then and employers are no longer allowed to hire staff based on the dampness of testicles. Don’t blame me, I don’t make the rules.

More news as I get it.

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