Travel writing. My audition piece.

It’s nearly half-term. A great opportunity to get away from it all with the kids. Alternatively, you could just ditch them with an aunt who lives with cats and fuck off to Rome. Just like what I have done.

Here I am getting ready to enter Rome’s annual Ross Kemp look-a-like competition. Or, for all you Italian speakers out there, the “Rosso Kempo” competition.

View from our hotel room…

Features all the classic Roman features: Cyprus trees, marble pillars and those shitty little cars covered in dust.

Day 2.

Popped down to the Vatican this afternoon to confess a few sins, such as spending most of the 90’s sat on a stool in the shed wanking off to pictures of Wilma Deering from Buck Rogers. The cardinal found my honesty refreshing and also wondered if he could borrow my stool.

The lovely Wilma.


Day 3.

Worried about those pesky Russian hackers finding your secret stash of homemade x-rated photos and using them to blackmail you? Just release them yourself and hey presto! the threat is gone. This is me during sexy role play…

My wife likes me to pretend to be a Dutch bicycle salesman called Nils Von Hotbody, who has arrived to pump up her back tyre.




2 thoughts on “Travel writing. My audition piece.

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