Village Life. A week in review.

Revenge.

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My cafe’s arch rival has pinched my A-frame blackboard. I have hastily convened a meeting of our village’s version of Cobra to decide what to do. Village Cobra consists of the local chemist, because he is influential and has the ear of prominent law makers in the area, and the Honey Man, because he has access to bees.

The team decided that the best way of moving forward was to recruit the local wayward teen to vandalise my rival’s board by changing, ‘Eat Fresh Here’ to ‘Eat Flesh Here’. Initially, the Chemist was a little reluctant to do this but we promised to keep on the right side of the law by offering Wayward Teen the national living wage.

Sign Wars.

Two prominent business owners have lost their heads in this recent heatwave and gone nuclear by displaying outlandish claims on their signage.

Our local barber kicked it all off with this…

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Which was soon followed by the local high street jewellers…

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Crossed Wires.

A technician came to fix the landline to our cafe. He was an innovate chap and told me how thinking outside the box was enabling him to meet his strict targets.

He said that working in a van all day meant that he had nowhere to pee. The traditional thinking was to go to a shop and ask to use their toilet, which takes up valuable time. To beat this some of his colleagues piss in a bottle in the back of the van. But not him, he does it in a frying pan and then empties down the drain.

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More next week…

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